Crossfit South Central Regionals

This past weekend Kyle competed as an individual in the South Central regionals for Crossfit. He put in some hard work during the Crossfit Open which qualified him to continue on to compete at regionals. This was his first time making it to regionals and we were both so excited!! The anticipation was killing us! I know Kyle was nervous and I was nervous for him. The week of regionals, I could tell Kyle’s mood went from nervous to ready. I was ready to get there and get the show on the road. I know he stresses about it because he’s the one having to do all the work but I get stressed too! I make sure he has everything he needs and that he feels good and is in positive spirits.
We got home today and man am I happy to be home. I’m exhausted and I didn’t even workout! I am so very proud of my husband and know this past weekend only motivates him to train harder and get back to regionals next year!

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Moving forward

A week or so after the second miscarriage Kyle and I both went in for extensive bloodwork. My doctor wanted to get a bunch of chromosome tests done to make sure that wasn’t something that could have caused the miscarriages. Fortunately everything came back normal. Unfortunately we have no explanation as to why we lost both babies. My personal opinion believes it was stress. I had something going on in my home that I was uncomfortable with (and had been for weeks) and had to get it out. It wasn’t a pretty departure but thankfully it’s gone and my home is much more peaceful!
Since our tests came back normal there was nothing the doctor wanted me to do or take. He said we could do another IVF cycle as soon as I wanted. Well, Kyle has made it to the Crossfit regionals and I didn’t want that added stress on him so we are waiting until after regionals are over. I am so proud of Kyle for making it as an individual and am so excited to was him compete in San Antonio on May 23-25. Not only was regionals a factor, but another transfer costs about $4,000! So we needed this extra month to round up some more money.
I have mixed feelings about another transfer. Of course I’m excited because it could potentially mean we could get pregnant again, but I’m terrified of miscarrying again. I’m dreading doing all the shots. I’m dreading the two week wait. I don’t want history to repeat itself.
Mother’s Day was pretty hard for me. I was a mom even if it was for just a short time, but now I’m not. That day made me really sad. Don’t get me wrong I am very happy for all the mothers and expecting mothers out there, I just wish I knew what it was like to feel my baby, hold my baby, and love my baby. I’m trying to remind myself that someday it will be our turn to be parents. I cannot wait for that day!

I’m struggling.

The title says it all. I’m having a really hard time keeping it together 100% of the time. Today marks 1 month since we lost our second baby. I can’t believe it’s been a month. I can’t believe we had two babies and now they’re both gone. Why can’t I just forget about it? For the last 3 1/2 years I have been surrounded by people getting pregnant, having their babies, and then continuing on to have more babies. I’m stuck here still hoping. I don’t understand why Kyle and I are the ones that have a hard time. I know we aren’t alone in this struggle, but it sure does feel like it.
I’m sorry for this pity party, I just need to know there in an end to this struggle and if there isn’t, I need to know if I should give up.